I’m under no illusion that it’s been too long since I was last able to sit down and write with the words flowing how they’re supposed to. A combination of an extremely busy family life (including returning to Home Education), coupled with persistent illnesses throughout the winter months, has meant I have had neither the time, the inclination nor ability to write.
One of the issues has been that I simultaneously have so much to say, but I constantly question its worth. This is where my Neurodivergence and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria can be a real pain in the bum! I want to stand on my soapbox about so many issues surrounding education and Neurodivergence, and then the RSD and Impostor Syndrome kicks in and I wonder who the hell I think I am!
‘So…what’s new?’ I hear you ask! Perhaps the biggest change I’ve had this year so far is that I am now Home Educating my 13 year old Autistic daughter. For us, it’s not a massive surprise, nor is it unwelcomed. I should have chosen Home Education years ago, but I was so institutionalised myself that I genuinely believed that ‘sticking with it’ and fighting as hard as I could for provision for her was the right way to go.
Believe me, I tried. My eldest has struggled since she was first forced into an educational setting at the age of 2 and a half. I knew she wasn’t ready, but I did what I thought I was supposed to and made her go. There are many reasons I ignored my intuition. She was my first child, I was undiagnosed Neurodivergent (and as a result was a people-pleaser and someone that almost always did as I was told) and my daughter was also undiagnosed Neurodivergent. A lot of the behaviours that she exhibited over the 6 years following that first foray into educational settings before she was given her diagnosis, were labelled by others as ‘naughty’, ‘spoilt’ and many other derogatory labels given by older generations that don’t believe Neurodivergence exists.
As a result, my daughter became a shell of herself and developed serious anxiety and trauma responses to anything school related. Attendance became a problem, parent blame became a problem, and my daughter continued to struggle on because she was ‘fine’ in school and ‘really bright-she just needs to show it on paper’.
My blood boils now at the mere thought of how I allowed that particular school to treat both me and my daughter. Everything I raised as a concern was placated and almost immediately dismissed. She continually had provision given and then removed, and her experience ended at that school when after it taking them 2.5 years to get her to write more than a couple of sentences on paper, she wrote a full A4 piece. She then had that page ripped out of her book and torn up in front of her because she hadn’t underlined the title correctly. She was told to do it again…
I removed her from that school that day. I wrote a strongly worded letter to the headteacher at the time, who then denied ever having met me (we had had several meetings-mainly surrounding attendance). We had a glorious 2 weeks of Home Education before lockdown hit. By the end of lockdown, my daughter really wanted to try again at a new school, and I can’t say I blame her after the whole Covid debacle. She managed the final year of primary school mainly because they were in and out of lockdown and the rules when they were in school were still so rigid.
We became optimistic for her future at secondary school. The first year she managed amazingly and made some wonderful friends. I thought she had finally found somewhere she would be able to thrive and to enjoy. The start of year 8, however, and things began to fall apart again. The novelty of being at secondary school had worn off, teachers left, all aspects of her school life were continually changing and her anxiety began to take over her life again.
By the end of last year, a term into year 9, my daughter was once again a shell of herself. She wasn’t eating properly, wasn’t sleeping well, wasn’t interacting with anything other than her phone. She didn’t want to do anything, go anywhere. She even stopped enjoying her special interests. She was having spells where she kept falling- like her legs just stopped working. She was experiencing stomach migraines, and was almost always ill. The GPs told me (after many tests at the hospital) that it was a physical manifestation of her anxiety.
After Christmas, we sent the deregistration letter and have been members of the Home Education community ever since. I honestly cannot even begin to describe the difference in my daughter already. She gets up every morning keen to learn. She has immersed herself in her special interests again, and is so much more productive and happier. That little spark that she had when she was small and so eager to learn, is slowly returning and I couldn’t be prouder. I feel like I am getting my daughter back.
I’m aware it’s early days and that the motivation will likely wane at times, but I know she made the right choice for her (I said it was ultimately her decision as to whether she stayed in school or chose Home Education). She has recently chosen to apply to return to a small academy from September in order to do her GCSEs, but we have already discussed that if it becomes apparent that it is too much for her, she can return to Home Education at any point. Gone are the days of me forcing her to be a part of an system that only seems to cause her more harm.
Laura x
