They say life begins at 40- I think they might be right. My 20s were so focussed on hitting as many life milestones as possible: Career, home, marriage, children…My 30s have basically been one large rollercoaster: Marriage breakdown and divorce, abusive relationship, financial ruin, starting from scratch building a home, unemployment, debilitating long-term health conditions, a new relationship and a surprise baby!
November 2024 will mark 40 years of my being on this planet. There have been so many things I had wanted to achieve by the time I reached this milestone, and I certainly thought I’d be in a much more secure and comfortable position than I am at the moment. With that in mind, I have made a promise to myself (not goal setting or a target to reach- but an actual promise) that I am going into my 40s in a much healthier and happier way. It is here that Project 40 was born (most definitely not to be confused with the intriguing work called Project 40 by Alec Bradley).
What is Project 40?
Project 40 is so much more than just a diet and exercise plan. It’s a complete life overhaul. Is it a midlife crisis? Most likely. My aim with Project 40 is to continue the work I began when I turned 30, but lacked the self-confidence and awareness I have now. My 30s have been a continual learning curve, with some pretty big peaks and troughs. It has only really been the last 4 (ish) years that I’ve begun to understand myself and to realise that I haven’t ever really put myself first.
What Needs Fixing?
I have spent such a large portion of my life people-pleasing and living in a constant state of fear. I have put myself in situations I should never have; put my life on hold for my children; and put the needs of almost everyone else first to keep the peace and to help others. The only thing this has achieved as I approach 40, is my mental health as an entirety being utterly decimated.
One of the biggest things I need to change is my mindset. It sounds a lot easier than it is in reality. I’ve had many rounds of CBT, and whilst some of the strategies are good, there wasn’t actually much that helped me longer term. Anti-depressants are not the answer for me (they are, however, a literal lifeline for people that are able to take them): Firstly because of the hideous side effects and risks that come associated with them; secondly because my depression and anxiety stems from being undiagnosed AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD), and having to navigate a world that sets me up to fail as often as possible.
My mindset shift has had to come from a place of deep learning and self-awareness. This is not to say I’ve suddenly become selfish and completely self-absorbed, more that I’ve had to begin to address things I had been ignoring but had been hurting me for a very long time. The discovery that I’m Neurodivergent was probably the biggest shift- realising that I’m not broken, it’s simply that my mind works differently to others, and that I experience life differently to others.
With the mindset altered (or on its way to being altered), I am then also able to begin working on strategies to change the physical aspect of my body. Living with Fibromyalgia is extremely difficult and can exacerbate the depressive and anxious nature, but it is something I am learning to live with with some fairly large life adaptations.
I want to enter my 40s feeling like I’m more in control of my body and its responses. At the moment I feel as though I’m trapped trying to drive a faulty car that has a different mechanical issue every time I start it. I am slowly learning my triggers for flareups, and I am also learning that I have to try to keep some form of gentle exercise going because it does help-particularly with my mood. I obviously still have many days where I’m unable to move much because of the pain, but I’m hoping to gradually decrease those so I’m able to live a more active and productive life..
So What Are You Actually Going to Do?
Project 40 is not something that is going to end as soon as I turn 40. It is something that I intend to carry on for the rest of my life, but alter it according to each life milestone I’m lucky enough to reach.
My plan is to be consistent with my learning. To continue to become self-aware so that I’m able to help myself and others. I’m going to continue my Neurodivergent learning journey and adapt things in my life as necessary. It would be lovely to say that I will meditate for an hour every day, aim to find Nirvana, join a gym, go to a yoga retreat etc, but my reality doesn’t currently allow for those things. I can, however, use my Neurospicy powers more effectively and utilise the times I’m able to hyperfocus far better to avoid the Fibro crash that inevitably ensues following a hyperfocus. I’m continually learning that my Fibromyalgia and Neurodivergence are intricately intertwined, and that they are two elements that make up me as a whole. They are not separate entities that I am able to get rid of or cure, they’re part of me and I have to find a way to live with them AND be able to enjoy the rest of my life.
I also plan to get my head out of the metaphoric sand when it comes to my body. I have a fairly large sugar addiction to overcome (damn that continual dopamine chase!). Certain food became a fixation, coping mechanism, enemy and comfort, when my life has otherwise felt so out of control. Some people use food as the only thing they’re able to control but take it to unhealthy extremes with eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. I took it to the unhealthy extreme of binge-eating and hyperfixating on specific foods for extended periods of time. I would wake up in the morning looking for my first sugar-fix, my mind only able to focus on the specific food I was craving. I would be irritable and restless until I had it- even if I actually didn’t want it. Naturally afterwards, a period of extreme self-hatred and shame would ensue and the cycle would repeat.
My eating disorder is also deeply intertwined with my Neurodivergence and Fibromyalgia, as well as my life trauma. It’s not an overnight fix, but it is repairable with consistency and patience (two things I struggle with).
My final nemesis is exercise. Pain and exhaustion are the biggest hinderances to me being able to consistently exercise. Money and childcare are the others. I love swimming and walking, but childcare is a huge problem for me with my Neurodivergent children. The British weather is another issue. Cold, wet, grey conditions greatly exacerbate my Fibromyalgia symptoms. I am unable to join a gym because it’s a luxury expenditure, and it means I need consistent childcare options- which I don’t have. Exercising at home is extremely difficult because there is nowhere in my home that is private. There isn’t enough space for me to be able to workout uninterrupted and alone.
I am currently looking into some mobility aids for when my Fibromyalgia is in flare-up mode, but that in itself is a mental hurdle I’m not quite ready jump just yet.
Staying Accountable
This is another one of those ‘getting my head out of the sand’ moments. Accountability and consistency. I start off strong with lots of plans and strategies, but it quickly falls to the bottom of the list- thus meaning I put myself at the bottom of the list.
I plan to update my journey throughout the next 12-ish months, and hopefully this time next year, when 40 is a couple of months away, I’ll be writing a very different sort of post!
As always, thank you for sticking with me and making it this far!
Laura x
